If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

— Romans 12:18 (KJV)

A disagreement can stay in my head long after the conversation ends. I can rehearse what I should have said until I’m arguing with a version of the other person who isn’t even there.

The phrase “as much as lieth in you” gives me a place to start. I can look at my part. Did I listen? Did I say something I need to correct? Is there a question I should have asked before deciding what they meant?

Sometimes a short message is enough to open the conversation again. I can say which part I handled poorly and ask whether they have time to talk. I can’t decide how they’ll respond, but I can choose how I approach them.